I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
