She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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