i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
