Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
