either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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