We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
