Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
