im six kinds of drunk right now
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
