I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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