great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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