you traded sex for a burrito?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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