I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
