i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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