someone owes me an orgasm
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
