I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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