Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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