I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Hippo gnu deer
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
