My friends, they love my intelligence
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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