meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Sorry my hands just texted you
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
