God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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