Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
