I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
