the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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