i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish you could order shots online.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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