She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
