a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
