doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
