dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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