yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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