I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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