I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
