Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
