Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
