I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
