I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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