FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
