Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
