We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The air was thick with penises
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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