According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
