i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
