At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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