You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
sex in a hospital.. check
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
