I cannot find my penis.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
