how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
