I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
even my farts smell like vagina
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
