I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
