he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
