***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
