Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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