Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
