Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
