It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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